The Light Is the Darkness that You Fear


You may have heard the concept of the shadow, or the dark side that we all have. This is the side that is controlled by ego, keeps us small, keeps us closed off from abundance, or at its worst can lead us to a life of addiction and self sabotage.

We all have it, the side that maybe we are afraid to admit that we give in to all too often. Some of us live mostly in it without ever even realizing it.

But on my path to the light, to living with purpose, integrity and awareness, I have come to realize that the light is the darkness. When you are standing in the light, the darkness becomes more apparent, more real and more difficult to understand.

It has been over 6 months since I have chosen to give up all mind alerting substances. This means no alcohol, no marijuana, the seemingly harmless substances that so many rely on in their day to day life. These used to be the things that I relied on to get myself out of my own head. To tune out, relax and unwind. And while I never had a problem with these substances, consciously not using them at all has allowed me to go to a deeper level of self awareness that I did not expect.

I would also like to add that sugar, over eating, binge watching television, shopping for things we don’t need, excessive social media use, etc. are all ways that we use to get out of our minds and avoid self awareness. They are ways to turn to something outside of ourselves so that we don’t have to face what we are actually thinking and feeling.

But when you consciously decide to deal with your own shit. Not use any substances, or any way “out”, It can be overwhelming. When you are very tuned in and AWARE of all of your thoughts, feelings and emotions it can make you want to RUN and hide and go straight to the escapist behaviors. When you are committed to self awareness and committed to figuring it out and not turning away it can be appalling what you find. The feelings that come up that you thought that you dealt with. The bullshit stories that you have been telling yourself that you can no longer hide behind. The thoughts that you don’t want to be thinking. The feelings that you don’t want to feel. It can all be too much. When you are standing in the light, life is magnified. You FEEL everything. And you see your DARKNESS for exactly what it is. You are forced to deal with your short comings, forced to face truths about yourself that you would rather push away.

And while this can be difficult, messy and uncomfortable, it is incredibly LIBERATING. It takes work. It takes constant reflection and introspection. It takes bravery, honesty and integrity. And it will MASSIVELY improve your life. The more aware you are of your own thoughts, feelings and emotions, the less you are CONTROLLED by them, and the more control you have over your own reality.

The escape from darkness lies in recognizing that the darkness cannot hide and you would not want to hide it even if you could. Embrace yourself fully just as you are.

And I know that you may be thinking, I like to have a glass of wine it helps me relax, or you are accustomed to going out and having drinks as a form of celebration, but have you really thought about why? Why we have to have a poisonous mind-altering substance to allow us to FEEL amazing? To have FUN? To be able to let-go and relax?

Why are we afraid to FULLY embrace life AS OURSELVES?

Because truly if you were loving and accepting yourself completely and not GIVING A FUCK about what anyone else says or thinks, maybe you would start having A LOT more fun. Maybe you wouldn’t need an escape to ALLOW yourself to be happy and joyful.

Now, I am not pretending to be perfect or that I have all of the answers, I have certainly done my fair share of escapism and it is still something I must check in on. But I can tell you that from my experience, I have never felt more “high” than I do on life right now. I have never felt my vibration so powerful and my spirit so strong.

So the next time that you are reaching for that glass of wine, the cookies, mindlessly scrolling on social or just straight up avoiding yourself…maybe it is time to ask why. You might be surprised by what you find.

I am here to support you.

Much love, 

Kelly Kristin xx